So how many of you out there do the temping, the OPK’s, the symptom spotting?! Well this month I’ve started early. Just CD8 and my temp shot up above the coverline..what does that even mean? Well if you google it you will get many different answers..some telling you that you may even be pregnant…better get that test out..even though you have had a period this month, even though you know that there is absolutely no way that you could be..test anyway! Well this month I have not given in to the oracle google, I am starting to know my body well enough to think I know what is going on but still I find myself wanting answers.
I think that is one of the worst things about infertility…its the waiting game, its waiting each month for af to show, or not, its about not knowing whether its you or just really bad luck. I don’t think I am infertile and I know that I am lucky, I have managed to conceive twice and whilst they didn’t last I know (or at least I am pretty sure) that there is no medical reason why I won’t again and why next time I might go all the way. Still, month by month I find myself reaching for that search engine…what possible symptom might I have today and what can it tell me?
I think I know the answer and the answer is to listen to your body….not google. But simply listening to my body does not allow me to obsess about all the possible medical conditions I may have, it doesn’t allow me to escape from the fact that my body took 6 months, the first time, 15 months the second time and going on 7 months and still going for the third time. And for what reason? There doesn’t have to be a reason but at least if there were a reason I would know what to expect, I would know how long I am supposed to be stuck in this limbo for..
So for now, and against my better instincts I will stick to google, I will obsess about the fact that my temp was up by 0.2 degrees centigrade.. because that is all I can do for now and that is how I cope.